The Debate
by Penguinfoxy
Summary: Haven't you always wanted to see the members of DN in a  debate?  Here's your chance...
1. Chapter 1

**The Debate**

"What are we doing here Ryuzaki?"

"Yeah, shouldn't we be working on the Kira investigation?"

"This is just a waste of our time…."

L continued to arrange chairs around the large wooden table.

"You are mistaken. This is not just a mere game, it may lead us to who Kira really is. By judging your intellect, I can determine if you have the subtle cleverness and sharp mind that Kira, or at least the second Kira would have."

At this point everyone was angry in various degrees. Matsuda was unhappy and nervous that he had to participate in a debate with Light and L, and hurt that L would think he might be Kira. Mogi was stoic and steadfast but a little annoyed. Aizawa was more than a little annoyed. He was fuming.

"WHY DO WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN? RYUZAKI….YOU HAVE TESTED US AND TESTED US AND NONE OF US ARE KIRA! I WOULD ASSUME BY THIS POINT WE HAVE EARNED YOUR TRUST!."

"Precisely." L was unperturbed. That is why I have brought in others who I have suspected as Kira so you can try and weed out the perpetrator."

"Other…suspects…?"

The taskforce was now a mass of confusion. Light was twitching his eyebrow, and in deep thought, his eyes narrowed. Aizawa was very furious and looked like he would explode. Mogi looked…stoic. Matsuda was still unhappy and resembled that of a lost puppy. Their thoughts,(or lack thereof) were interrupted by a hopping, pink girlish figure, who dashed up to her victim and attacked him with a massive hug. Everyone groaned. "LIGHT YOU LEFT POOR MISA ALONE TO BRUSH HER HAIR, BUT MISA FORGIVES LIGHT! MISA WOULD NEVER BE MAD AT HER NIGHT-LIGHT!

"Uh…"Night-Light", Misa?" Matsuda asked timidly.

"Yeah!" Misa bounced excited and began pawing at Light's hair. Because he's like my Knight in Shining Armor and he shines at night and leads the way for Misa!"

There was a long pause. Then the taskforce could no longer help it. Surprisingly, L started it with a cough which turned into a chuckle. Then everyone starting laughing. They rolled on the floor, and wept. Even the Chief began to guffaw, although he stopped when Light glared at him. Light then directed his glare at L who was snickering behind his thumb. Matsuda was lost in a fit of hilarity.

"I'm just imagining Misa coming up to Light at night, pulling a cord and then he lights up, and goes "bing!"

This caused everyone to laugh anew. Light's "refined" Takada glower was faltering. He crossed his arms and huffed over to his seat at the table.

"Are we going to start this stupid thing or what?" he asked petulantly.

"Oh..right." L stopped chortling and pulled out a packet of papers.

"These are the debate rules, study them carefully."

Everyone tried to look serious and studious, but bursts of laughter were frequent.

"The others should be arriving at any moment." L studied the clock on the table.

"Wait Ryuzaki." Aizawa said. "You never told us why you suspect others or why you never told us that you did. Or, who they are, or why they can see your face, especially if their suspects, and why we're doing a debate, and why-"

"All in time, Aizawa." L quickly cut him off.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Watari opened it, to reveal some very curious characters. The first to enter looked like somebody that needed professional help. He had bandages around his entire body, and he laughed madly constantly. He also had the symbol of three eyes everywhere, on his clothing, in his hair, and his nails. Next was a lean man dressed all in black, holding a lasso threateningly and wearing a white mask. Matsuda gulped. The third was an extremely sensible woman with red hair, dressed in sensible robes and wearing spectacles. She looked weirdly comfortable with the other two, and offered to hang up coats and make tea. Introductions were made.

"I'm Asura. I kill people, and steal their souls so I can live forever. I'm insane, so I do not live in fear…"

Here Asura paused to laugh madly. The next man strode up and took a bow.

"I am…The Phantom of the Opera! So beware! I am inside your mind…..The man took out his Punjab lasso and stroked it lovingly. Suddenly organ music started to play. Everyone was a little freaked out.

The next person simple said " Hi, I'm Morwen. I'm not on any side, I am the mediator. I know how to protect myself, so all of you lunatics, convicts, and mad geniuses that try to trick me or change the debate will be caught." She glared severely . " You should know that I'm taking time away from my cats to this so let's make it quick." She then began organizing the teams.

"Excuse me Ryuzaki, but what exactly are we debating?" Light asked.

"Hmm…Good question Light-kun." L paused in thought.

"How about…. best Japanese model?" Matsuda grinned.

"I want to do one on the best way to kill someone using a rope!" The "Phantom" and Asura laughed manically.

"Misa wants to do a debate on her boyfriend's best habits!"

"We should do the topic of global warming." Soichiro Yagami stated. "It would be both educational and a moral issue."

"I was thinking we could do one on work and family…"

Everything after soon became a shouting match in which Misa and Matsuda fought for celebrity culture against an adamant refusal by the sadistic(or justified) murderers sitting across from them.

"ENOUGH." Morwen whipped off her glasses and glared at her debaters.

"Mr. Yagami, I agree with you completely. Our debate needs to be educational and morally significant. Since we are gathered here today as Kira suspects and investigators, doesn't it make sense that we should do a debate on Kira's morality in his actions?"

"…..."

Everyone wondered why their idea wasn't just as good(Matsuda) or felt nervous and annoyed because they knew what was coming next(Light) or beat themselves up about not thinking of this simple solution (Everyone else).

"That's a great idea Morwen." L's lips twitched in anticipation and mirth.

"Aizawa, Mogi, Mr. Yagami and myself will fight against Kira, and "Phantom," Asura, Matsuda, and…_Light _will argue for Kira." Of course Light Yagami knew exactly that this would happen, but he still seethed silently. Matsuda, on the other hand, looked pale, as he noticed his friendly teammates.

_**And so, the Debate began.**_


	2. Alarms and Numbers

Of course, the order was yet to be decided upon. Matsuda continuously tried to drop out of the debate altogether by requesting to be a second mediator, until he was flatly refused by Morwen. Asura decided it would be a good idea if he was last, and so prepared the closing speech, and giggled while nobody kept him in check. The Phantom did not request to be last or first, instead he brought a picture out of his cloak and began to weep softly under the table. Light was really the only one who cared about the order. Every time Light chose to go fifth, or second, L would choose the same so he would be arguing against Light. This of course was bad news for Light, so he would quickly change the order. Eventually Morwen became annoyed with Light, because he kept causing her to erase the order sheet and start over. Light tried to whisper a number into Morwen's ear, but L would always find out exactly where Light planned to go in the debate.

"I'll go fourth." Light whispered.

"Fourth." L said in a bored tone.

"Oh no! Change it, make it fifth." Light begged.

"Fifth." L mumbled as he took a bite out of his chocolate cake.

"Here this is what I'll do, I'll say a number, and then whatever number I pick, the actual number will be two less it, ok?" Light said. "Ok, three!" He shouted loudly.

"One." L chewed and glanced at the sheet. "Are we ready to start yet?"

"Gaah!" Light buried his head in his hands.

"So Light and L will go first." Morwen announced satisfied. She reached into her sleeve and pulled out a timer, a clipboard, and a recording device. Everyone stared.

"She's like Mary Poppins or something." Matsuda muttered.

Morwen set the timer. "Each debater will have three minutes to argue with their opposer. Alright,GO!"

Light stood up stiffly and prepared his notes. He coughed loudly for several seconds until he received some glares from his teammates. "Okay. Kira is good, because, he kills criminals and criminals are bad." Light said unconvincingly.

" Stop pretending to be bad at this on purpose, Light." L said bluntly. "You're trying to lose because you're Kira and you're afraid I'll catch that if you are persuasive enough."

"Am not!"

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too."

"Annnddd three minutes is up." Morwen reached and turned off the timer.

"Well, that was eventful." Aizawa said sarcastically, as L and Light took their seats, still engaged in a mental battle of contradictions.

"Okay, next up is Asura and Aizawa." Morwen turned the timer back on. "Go!"

Aizawa prepared his notes and began to speak dully. While he was in the middle of his speech, he paused to look up, and noticed Asura staring at him, smiling creepily and gurgling. Aizawa tried to continue but then was constantly distracted by his opponents insanity. "May I talk now?" Asura spoke calmly. He grinned again, and then laughed madly.

"Kira is killing people, but killing people is fun. You can kill people in a variety of ways. You can dismember them, but that takes time, you can eat them, or you can even tie up their intestines and stretch them out and play soccer. You can shoot, maim, poison, blow up, burn, freeze, liquidate, stab, behead, electricute, torture, traumatize, stone, put to sleep, use biological warfare, strangle, suffocate, or even bury alive! I like to kill people because I am mad, and I want to live forever. But that is a bad reason to kill people. Killing people should be an enjoyable activity, and Kira is doing it in a boring way, with just heart attacks. If I was Kira, I would be more interesting. However, Kira obviously has a heart attack fetish and if he's having a good time, we shouldn't ruin his fun….

Morwen hastily stopped the timer, and the everyone in the room felt sick. Even Light was looking pale. Morwen pulled out a basin from her sleeve and lifted it onto the table in case anyone needed to use it. "Next..?" She croaked weakly.

Matsuda stood, and so did Mogi. Suddenly everyone heard a strange beeping noise that seemed to come from the ceiling. It was very loud. Ryuzaki covered his ears protectively, but still managed to bite into his cake. Light and Matsuda both sighed with relief. One felt lucky because he had narrowly escaped possible conviction of being Kira, and the other because it meant that he did not have to debate alongside two murderers and a suspect of murder. Morwen looked up startled from her clipboard. She shook the timer close to her ear to see if it was the problem, then put it down mystified.

"What is it Ryuzaki?" Light said as he tried to act like he was worried.

"It's an alarm." L calmly stated.

"I KNOW that. What does it do?" Light asked exasperatedly.

"It makes a noise. Like this, see?" L stared owlishly at Light.

"Again, I know. The question I'm trying to ask is "why did it go off?"

" Something must have caused it." L chewed thoughtfully.

"Well, that's not vague at all." Light said sarcastically. "Fine. I'll put it this way. Why is this alarm, that makes a noise, going off? What are we going to do about it?"

"In answer to your first question, this alarm goes off when something triggers it…"

"LIKE WHAT?"

"Erm, well, in this case, another alarm."

"Ryuzaki," Light said slowly, "Are you trying to tell me that this alarm is going off because another alarm is going off too?"

"Precisely."

"So… what is causing the other alarm to go off?"

"I dunno." L tried to leave the conversation at a standstill by going up to get coffee, still cringing from the loud noise of the alarm. However, Light was undeterred, and followed him to the coffee machine.

"You…don't..know?" Light repeated unbelievingly.

"Well, if I had to guess…I would suppose it would be another alarm…" L put a finger to his lips.

"So the alarm that's going off right now is beeping because of another alarm which is triggered by another alarm."

"Mm hm." L grabbed a donut and dunked it in his coffee.

"So why aren't we hearing the other alarms?" Light asked, infuriated.

"Well, their silent alarms…"

"_Silent_ alarms." Light looked confused.

"Yes. So they alert this alarm undetected."

"And…what…would be the point of that?"

"Light, I would advise you to relax. We have the security under control. I have the entire building monitored, I can assure you there are no intruders."

"THEN WHY IS THE DAMN ALARM GOING OFF?" Light asked angrily.

L sighed heavily. "Because the other alarm triggered it."

"And why is that one going off?" Light refused to give up.

"Because of the other one that triggered that."

"Yes, but then there has to be a particular reason for the other, other alarm!" Light crowed triumphantly.

"Of course. There's another alarm."

And with that, Light slumped over and banged his head against the table. Repeatedly.


End file.
